NEW & SELECTED TEACHINGS

It is important when we consider the subject of relationship that we not limit our consideration only to relationship between human beings, but broaden it to include our relationship to the whole of life. From the ego’s limited point of view, relationship is always between objects—between a personal “me” and something other than me. It is from this limited point of view that most human beings begin their consideration of what enlightened relationship is. However, in order to find out what enlightened relationship is, it is imperative that the ego’s reality as a separate entity be questioned. Because as long as we perceive our self to be a separate ego, enlightened relationship to others and to life as a whole will remain impossibilities.

* * *

Q: When I think of what my relationship is with life, I find I want to avoid daily challenges. My hope is that when I become enlightened, life will be easier for me.
A:  If you want to be free, you cannot hide from anything. Many spiritual seekers are using spiritual practices as a means to avoid many aspects of themselves. The problem with this is that as long as you are avoiding anything, you are not living in Truth. You are avoiding Truth. No one ever became enlightened by avoiding Truth.

If you want to be free, then you must face yourself and face your life as it is. Do not use spirituality or spiritual experience as something to hide behind. As long as you are avoiding parts of yourself, or life in general, then even very profound spiritual experiences and revelations will have very little permanent effect on you. Do not simply seek to transcend life, but realize that you are all of life. You are Life itself.

* * *

Q: What is the right relationship to have with spiritual experiences?
A:  What’s important about spiritual experiences is how you relate to them. Two people can relate very differently to the same experience. One can be set free as a result of a profound spiritual experience, while another will cling to old habits of conditioning, attachment, and ego. Everything depends upon your readiness and willingness to let go into the Unknown, and live from that mysterious and precious condition. The question is: Are you ready to give up everything when God comes knocking at your door? This willingness to completely let go and surrender to the divine determines how free you will ultimately become. Whatever you hold back for yourself will become your prison. My advice is to give your whole heart, mind, body, and soul to grace when it comes. Ask yourself now: Am I ready?

* * *

If one is to be truly free, then one must truly want to be free of all attachments, aversions, and dependencies upon others to meet their emotional and psychological needs. This is challenging indeed to many seekers.

* * *

Relationship based on Truth, which means a relationship that is free of dependency and demands, is a relationship centered upon celebration. It’s a mutual coming together for no other reason than being together.

* * *

Deeply inquiring into the question “Who is another?” can lead to the direct experience that the other is one’s own Self—that in fact, there is no other. However, I have seen that for most seekers, even this experiential revelation is not enough to transform the painfully personal ways that they relate.

To come to this profound transformation requires a very deep investigation of the implications inherent in the experiential revelation that there is no other. It is in the daily living of these implications that most seekers fail. Why? Because, fundamentally, most people want to remain separate and in control. Simply put, most people want to keep dreaming that they are special, unique, and separate. They want to remain separate more than they want to wake up to the perfect unity of an Unknown which leaves no room for any separation from the whole.

* * *

As long as you perceive that anyone is holding you back, you have not taken full responsibility for your own liberation. Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and on life to make you happy. When you discover yourself to be nothing but freedom, you stop setting up conditions and requirements that need to be satisfied in order for you to be happy. It is in the absolute surrender of all conditions and requirements that liberation is discovered to be who and what you are. Then the love and wisdom that flow out of you have a liberating effect on others.

* * *

Awakening to the truth of unity means to awaken from the dream of a personal self and personal others, to the realization that there is no other. Many spiritual seekers have had glimpses of the absolute unity of all existence, but few are capable of or willing to live up to the many challenging implications inherent in that revelation. The revelation of unity, that there is no other, is a realization of the ultimate nonpersonal nature of all that seems so very personal. Applying this realization to the arena of personal relationships is something that most seekers find extremely challenging. This is the number one reason why so many seekers never come completely to rest in the freedom of the Self Absolute.

* * *

Q: You have spoken of a third entity called “relationship.” Can you speak about what this is?
A:  The third entity is the oneness that shines through when two are in selfless relationship. No longer is the relationship the primary focus; instead, it is the oneness that perfumes each moment of it. True relationship not only elicits this oneness, but it is dedicated to it above all else. So when you’re truly meeting, it is the one essence that shines through.

* * *

Q: Is this the same experience that I’ve noticed in large groups where I recognize a flavor of oneness that varies from group to group?
A:  When I say “oneness,” I am not speaking so much about a flavor of oneness, which a group of people may share. I’m speaking about the perception that the other is myself, and about the joy and love that arise from this perception.

The excerpts above are from the book, The Impact of Awakening, © 2013–2025 by Adyashanti.

Spiritual people often want unconditional support and understanding from their friends, family, and mates, but all too often seem blind to their own shortcomings when it comes to the amount of unconditional support and understanding that they give to others. I have seen many spiritual people become obsessed with how unspiritual others are and assume an arrogant and superior attitude while completely missing the fact that they themselves are not nearly as spiritually enlightened as they would like to think they are.

Enlightenment can be measured by how compassionately and wisely you interact with others—with all others, not just those who support you in the way that you want. How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are.

As long as you perceive that anyone is holding you back, you have not taken full responsibility for your own liberation. Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and life to make you happy. When you discover yourself to be nothing but Freedom, you stop setting up conditions and requirements that need to be satisfied in order for you to be happy.

It is in the absolute surrender of all conditions and requirements that Liberation is discovered to be who and what you are. Then the love and wisdom that flows out of you has a liberating effect on others. The biggest challenge for most spiritual seekers is to surrender their self importance, and see the emptiness of their own personal story. It is your personal story that you need to awaken from in order to be free.

To give up being either ignorant or enlightened is the mark of liberation and allows you to treat others as your Self. What I am describing is the birth of true Love.

© 1998 by Adyashanti. All rights reserved.