Fred’s Letters from Prison

January 5, 2004:
Dear Open Gate Sangha, A couple of weeks ago I came across a guy in here who had a copy of the teachings of Adyashanti and I was able to read a few pages of it. The teachings struck a deep resounding chord within me. . .

January 30:
I’ve been a seeker for almost 19 of the 22 years that I’ve been incarcerated and I have never come across a teacher who speaks directly to such a deep part of my being. The words of Adyashanti are most certainly alive with Truth which immediately resounds within the innermost part of one’s being. To say that I’m moved deeply by them would be a gross understatement. My heart tells me that I’ve finally, blessedly, found my way home. . .

March 5:
I’ve been doing some heavy inquiry into the Truth of that which we are. There is, of course, the contradictory sense that there is this “me” which feels itself to be separate. My question is, how does one break the habit of operating from this “me” and allow the Truth to “take over,” so to speak? I see the illusion that the entire world is caught up in. I’ve had a taste and have fallen in love with my Self. Where do I go from here? . . .

June 30:
The last letter was written when I was about two weeks into doing 90 days in what is commonly called “the hole” (also known as solitary confinement). And although it was supposed to be a punishment (e.g., they take all of your possessions; sleeping on a steel bed; and being locked in 24 hours a day) it turned out to be quite a blessing for me. For the most part I was on retreat simply Be-ing. A calm, gentle spaciousness came which I would sit with for hours on end. And the longer I sat in this wonderful Truth of who I am the deeper I seemed to go. I was really astonished at the nature I found within the Self. It wasn’t something to attain and then hold on to, but something that is already there. One simply rests in That, letting everything go. . . We have a small sangha here (we average about six guys) and share our books among ourselves. Adya’s teachings have played a central role. . .

July 18:
I was rather pleasantly surprised when I heard that my June 30th letter was found to be inspiring. I’d never considered that any part of my life situation could be an inspiration. To me it simply is what it is with the important part being the attitude and awareness with which I choose to experience it all. This is especially true since I’ve become acquainted with the teachings of Adyashanti. I truly believe that I was ripe for Adya’s teachings when they came my way. They speak to me like a voice from my own inner Self. The deeper I go into them the more it’s as if I’ve always known these things. . .

I’ve got 108 years and at present my parole date is set at 2032. So I’ll probably be hanging out around here for a little longer. Occasionally it pains me deeply that I seem to have screwed my life up so badly, and did it at such a young age (18) but that’s really all just “the story.” My life hasn’t stopped. I didn’t stop growing, and learning. My life is simply different from most folks, and my being busted not only (in all probability) saved me from destroying myself but it took away all of the distractions and set me firmly on the spiritual path. Because of that, and the fact that I’ve found answers in Adya’s teachings I cannot count my life as a waste, even if I have to spend the rest of it in here. And if I can assist another in finding their own way to truth? That would be the ultimate satisfaction.

Namaste, Fred